Today I sat and smoked my pride away
There’s nothing left but the cinders of it inside
I need an escape
And here it is
I can move away. Go To a place where I don’t know anyone.
I’ll heave my breath to burning wax
A part of me wants to be where there are familiar faces
And girls
And I don’t even know if I’ll be able to go to the school with familiar friends. I’m definetly not going to my school unfortunately. If not this catholic school. Then this public school. Where I know not a soul.
Nomatter what I’ll be smoking my life away


Life right now

Realizing how much my life sucks. I’ve been sick since Monday. Didn’t leave my house except for Wednesday and Thursday. I haven’t left my house all day today. Dammit I’m sad. I’m also out of money. I don’t work until this Thursday (fucking finally) so ill have some cash to spend. So because of lack of funds. The only thing I could have boughten to quench my boredom was one single weed brownie. Which was a sweet high. I’m in a fucked state mentally right now. Kinda wanna go to New York and marry a ginger. Sorta like Peter Parker except ill have more than one Mary Jane (if you get the weed reference). So belated I am. I should’ve quit all this youth group shit a while ago. I feel free yet I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I spent my time with youth group shit. Now I have nothing to do but smoke weed and watch indie films.

I’m gonna start to make new friends. Because I need new everything. I have a thing for gingers. I don’t that’s a coincidence. I need to fall in love with a ginger. I love freckles and red hair because I’m stupid.

I feel really sad. But That a today feeling. I’ve had no human contact with anyone today. I miss her a lot. But oh well. I knew in my heart she wasn’t right for me. An she’s not even a ginger.

The plant.

Ahh. Spring. What a beautiful time of the year. Where flowers blossom and plants are beautiful. Especially my favorite kind of plant. This plant is amazing. Gods gift to the world. It calms you down. Helps food go down when you’re sick. There are different grades of it. Personally I only use Grade A material because Its the best to get you high. (Favorite is a tie between blue dream and afgoo).

Weed. There are two kinds of people in the world. Stoners and haters. Where people bitch and complain how it’s illegal for a reason and it’s a gateway drug and that it ruins life. But the truth is. Weed doesn’t do that. Here are the facts. Weed was made illegal for bullshit reasons in 1909 (around then). It’s a proven fact that smoking weed does not lead into drugs and that weed does not ruin someone’s life. That person ruins their own life
Weed is great for all sorts of activities. Outdoor. Indoor. Even just listening to music. Weed does not affect motor skills. And is proven to have medicinal benefits. Countries that have legalized weed have a crime rate so small compared to the US that one has to think. What if it would be legal? And taxed? More money for the Government. And it would be cheaper to buy.

My birthday is national weed day (4/20 bitches) and I plan on smoking ingredients. I’m currently writing this from a tranquil mood. People. Stop complaining. Stop worrying. People are smoking cigarettes which are deadly unlike weed that can’t kill you. Cigarettes have a ton of chemicals in then especially nicotine to make you addicted. Weed does not and you can not be addicted to weed. Weed is a plant just like tobacco. Weed is good. Be thankful for weed.

Selfish needs.

such… inconvenience. How two perplexed beings meet in with an internal apparel describing a dismal mood. The former is a deranged form of a barley mentally stable…..artist to say the least. Whose bipolar actions formed by the Jadedness and apathy from a heart in critical need. a heart so sweetly broken. Seems contradictory, correct? well the latter, a beautiful creation of God, one who by simply breathing creates a sensation within the emotional hormones of the former. the latter seems to be glorified and not as previously stated, a perplexed being with an internal apparel describing a dismal mood. Though I glorify thy person, that person displays a hubris so logically unstable that a writer could not imagine words to record the events occurring in the mind of such a person. To the best of my elementary abilities, I’ll explain How.

The latter is….occupied, though not so much as displayed. Several objective tasks in the productivity that will never matter. How the former longs to have all the attention of the latter. Yet the latter does give attention, and gives an outpouring love that’s filial. The former is very content with this, yet in selfishness wants more. The latter creates troubles that could be easily avoided, the latter does not precaution the archaic moods that aspire from the actions created, but the latter never allows any human with the stain of sin to know. Except the former.

The former, the mental state slowly deteriorating and the wrenched stench of the rotting mind spewing out into the minds of others as they walk with a disgusts so detestable that it almost shows in a vomit held in due to common courtesy. Think of this though, the latter is why the former is able to keep a societal standard of a  stable mentality. The former gives of himself completely to the latter, a love so bold and great that in giving of itself it bring a half broken smile to the face. 

The former is in love with the latter, but the former relies on the latter too much to allow the love to intervene. such a pity, yet pathetic. Simply pathetic how this….disgusting filth could love such an elegant being. To contradict the contradicting from previous statements, the fact the latter has flaws allows the latter to be perfect. The former does everything to be certain the latter never finds out, the former loves from a distance and the latter always brings Joy to the former. the former either selfishly wants the latter or simply needs the latter, it is unknown. If the former could, he would tell her how perfect she is, and how marvelous she is in her existence alone, and how every the roses in the garden are envious of her beauty. The way she smiles and laughs brings him Joy. Oh what he would do just to hold her in his arms, to kiss her gently under the stars, to proclaim his love and for it to be returned. It depresses him greatly, how he knows it will never happen. Therefore he must wait. and wait. and wait. until the opportunity comes, but he knows in his heart, the day will cease to exist.




I am the former.


I’ve sort of attempted to recompense with myself about recent events in my life. I’ve tried several things to fill a gap that has been cut slowly and painfully. I’ve kept myself from bleeding out from it. I’ve done some very fatuous thing. I’ve smoked weed, I’ve acted like a jerk, I’ve tried relationships, with an apathetic attitude probably due to jadedness. it’s not until recently that I’ve been conscience of what actually does destroy the Physiological demons that have tried to posses my state of sanity. 

Love. Both receiving and giving love. I give my love to every human being I care about, I don’t mean a love that a man and a women share that springs life, i mean a more Filial love. My best friends, the ones that fail to let me down, the ones that i can hold accountable, the ones i know won’t tempt me to do bad things, and will only push me closer to holiness. I feel like I belong there, i feel as if that’s where God wants me to be, and follow this path. I lack any sort of Paternal and Maternal influence now in my life. 

Except for my Fraternal brethren and filial Sisters. in Christ, and Mother Mary most Holy has adopted me and filled a void that was deteriorating my sanity. The Love of God has brought me an abundance of Joy and I’m in a complete ecstatic state when I’m in his presence. My happiness though, is ruined when i’m nigh the disgusting, disgraceful antagonists at my school. I am not verbalizing that all people outside of my little catholic community is terrible, in fact I befriended people outside of that group that do in fact make it possible for me to be a good catholic and that bring me joy being around. I’ve noticed that it’s females that do that though, It’s only the objective men that think with their lower region that I utmost despise. So i’m going to be home schooled next year, and i will be taking a few classes at a community college my junior and senior years of high school, which is beneficial because it’s all free.

I get really off topic in my blogs don’t I?

ya i do. 

Perplexed Content of Context carrying vague rants of angst.

Throughout the history of man, great artist have composed works of literature or created something marvelous on a muse. Not by making it sound or look all nice and pretty, but by Incorporating a contextual truth about the time and place of which they were present. For example, John Milton wrote the great epic poem “Paradise Lost” which on a surface level point of view, was about Satan and his rebellion against God. In a deeper context, this actually was to parallel the time in Great Britain and all the events occurring. When This poem was written and gone out to the public, it changed Britain culture and impacted later events. 

Now I don’t know about you, but if I were to write a poem about how shitty our culture is, the amount of fucks given would amount to little to none (Pardon the french). Now calling Paradise Lost just a poem would be a complete understatement, but it is true that if something as brilliant as Paradise Lost were to be written in our time, it would not make it’s presence known, and for several reasons.

First of all, Kids in this generation are frankly spoiled idiots. I am not saying all of them are, just a lot of the ones that can read and write well, (if you haven’t caught out they’re idiots because of the choices they make, not because of education). Most kids are not gonna read a book about how corrupt our culture is, Only adults and the hipsters you find at book stores would, and yet they would not bring much to the cause.

So if something were to be created to parallel how the Culture in america is today, a film of some sort would probably be the best to be made. There are a few problems with this. Most production company’s will immediately turn away the idea of such a task, so it would be an independent film, so it would not have the best quality due to budgeting and acting. so, yet again, nobody would give a shit.

So how do you say do we create something to let america know they’re completely fucked up? we can’t do anything. That’s the answer. so let me bitch at you for a second. Our culture tells us that Sex, great anywhere anytime, women and men are to be treated as objects and to be given no respect. Obama thinks he knows best when honestly he’s a Pro Choice idiot, think about it. If abstinence and waiting till marriage were to be the standards that people followed, abortion would not have to be an issue! if you’re one of those liberals saying “blah blah blah I’m stupid and i think women have the right to chose and Obama is so awesome and I think we should have sex whenever we want”. then you’re really stupid and I’m writing about you. If you watch TV, you can spot all the Sex involved in it because “Sex Sells”. I find it disgusting that Humans can base their decisions on whatever their lower region is pointing to. Now lets focus on Drugs, Meth is bad. Coke is bad. Pills are Bad. Weed……. undecided if it’s bad or not (It’s okay to smoke for medical conditions or if you’re wanting to have a high, but i only allow weed). Cigarettes are gross. Cigars are for manly Men. (weed and cigars, only exception).

Let’s focus on the party scene, you may have heard idiots say “YOLO” and drink their asses off and wake up the next morning with a new friend. Key example of why our culture sucks. Drinking is okay to an extent, ya you can have a good time once in a while, but when you do stupid shit and end up doing more bad things, it’s not okay to do. and I don’t think we should forget that if you’re not of age, It’s illegal (Underage drinking, a lot of fucks not given for that either). So now i’m done with my ranting.

If you’ve read this post all the way through, you’re either someone who shares my thoughts, bored and just happened to stumble upon this. or were extremely offending and looking for more things that i wrote so you could comment rude things because you obviously have nothing better to do, and because i just said you have nothing better to do you’re gonna find some excuse like “It’s my job to comment because i believe that blah blah blah” really save it.